


the book of love has music in it

by liketheroad



Category: Disney RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-08-27
Updated: 2010-08-27
Packaged: 2018-04-17 14:28:37
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,039
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4670066
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/liketheroad/pseuds/liketheroad
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Nick Jonas is an old-fashioned kind of guy.</p>
            </blockquote>





	the book of love has music in it

Joe realizes something is wrong when Nick lets him win at wiffle ball. Actually lets him win. And then grins at him afterward, clapping him on the shoulder and telling him how much better his throw has gotten since last tour.

Nick goes to shower, after that, and Joe goes to find Kevin. They live on a bus, so it's pretty easy to do. Kevin is in the lounge texting Daniele on his sidekick. Because Kevin is exciting like that. Joe slumps down beside him and sighs pointedly. Kevin ignores him. If anything, he types more intently.

Joe glares at the spot in the wall right before Kevin's head. "Something's wrong with him."

"With Nick?" Kevin mutters, not looking up.

Joe turns his glare to a frown, "Yes. With Nick. I can't figure out what it is."

At this, Kevin does look up, both eyebrows raised. "Really?"

Joe is upset by the implication that Kevin has.

"Yes. Really." Glaring is totally a tone of voice. Ask anyone.  
Kevin laughs a little. "That's funny to me."

"Shut up. Or, no. Just stop talking about that part and tell me what's wrong with him," Joe demands. Kevin just shakes his head and chuckles some more. Clearly he does not understand the severity of this situation. Joe leans in, putting his hand on Kevin's arm for emphasis. Maybe he squeezes a little hard. So sue him. "Kevin, he let me win at  _wiffle ball_ . And then he  _smiled_ about it."

Kevin looks momentarily thrown, but manages to recover, waving a hand nonchalantly. "Well. Maybe he didn't mean to let you win. He's distracted."

Joe is going to strain himself, he's rolling his eyes so hard. "Yeah. I know. By _what_?!"

Kevin gives him this obnoxiously condescendingly look he has perfected, this knowing, _poor simple Joe_ kind of look. That look is totally the reason Kevin isn't Joe's favorite brother.

"Look at it this way. What's Nick been doing lately?"  
"Writing songs, practicing for the tour, doing album and movie promotion, pimping Night at the Museum 2, publicly reconciling with his crazy ex-girlfriend, losing to me at wiffle ball..." Joe lists Nick's most recent activities automatically. Nick has also been trying to perfect a smoothie recipe, but Joe doesn't really see how that's relevant. 

Kevin nods. "Exactly. Distracted."

Joe purses his lips. "That's not it! He's always doing that much stuff, and he always manages to still beat me at wiffle ball."

Kevin makes the face again, and Joe is busy considering whether or not to hit him - just a little bit, on the top of the head - when Kevin suddenly gets all serious and says, "He's just... going through some stuff. I think Nick's... having some new feelings and he's just trying to adjust."

Joe's eyes widen. " _Feelings_ ? What kind of feelings - Kevin, are we going to have to do something about this Miley situation because I swear to God--"

"Hey, hey. I didn't say Miley. I don't know who it is. I'm just making a guess. In general. 'Cause, he's been distracted, sure, but he's been happy, right? Humming all the time - I mean, more than usual even, right, and he's sleeping better, except when he doesn't sleep at all cause he's up all night writing songs about love, so... it doesn't take a genius."

Joe frowns a little more and decides not to mention that he happens to consider himself a genius in all things Nick Jonas, and that this situation is giving him a troubling case of impostor syndrome. 

\---

He finds Nick after his shower and does a little investigative prodding.

Nick says "ow," in an affronted tone and slaps Joe's hand away. Joe should have known better than going directly for the ribs. 

"What's going on with you, man?" He's keeping it vague, refusing to endorse Kevin's theory too early. Kevin is the romantic one. It's possible this causes him to see crushes where there's actually emotional turmoil or something else Joe is going to be the one to figure out.

Alarmingly, Nick just gets a big goofy grin on his face and pulls Joe in for a noogie style hug. What's that about? Nick usually makes him wait at least 10 minutes before letting Joe back into his personal space after Joe's been jabbing him in the torso region. Not that that happens a lot or anything.

"I'm good." Nick's kind of low-level beaming at him by this point, keeping his arm loosely hanging around Joe's shoulders.

Joe narrows his eyes and leans closer for a better look. He pokes at one of Nick's cheeks with a finger. "Are you dying? Because I told you after the last time - no more near death experiences this decade. If you push me on this, I won't save you."

Nick just laughs. "Yeah you will."

Joe can't help but feel a little proud at the confidence in his voice.

\---

Joe really means to keep asking Nick what's wrong with him but, after Nick gets dressed, he herds Joe into a car and takes him for cheese burgers at Joe's favorite place in Texas, possibly all of the known universe, and then there's ice cream, and Joe kind of slips into a blissed out food coma and forgets.

When they're driving back, he tries to sit up straight enough to start pestering Nick again, but Nick is smiling. His eyes are on the road, but Joe thinks that smile is for him. Whatever's going on, Kevin was right. Nick's happy. And right now they're happy together, so Joe is still doing his job.

He starts singing along to the radio and Nick turns it down so he can hear Joe better.

\---

The next thing Joe knows, tour is starting in earnest and their album has dropped, and he barely has time to catch a nap with Nick to make sure he's resting in between the 20 million things they have to do a day. It's amazing though, the best tour yet, no question. He loves playing the new songs, loves the stage, loves the fans who sing along.

And Nick is still doing good. Doing great, even. They make time, they hang out whenever they get a minute, and they just keep going until Joe can't remember the last time he didn't have a smile on his face that he wasn't sharing with Nick.

They're always getting asked questions like this, reporters trying to trick them into ranking each other, revealing secret tensions and jealousies, but still, Joe can't help but beam a little when Nick says he thinks Joe's the best actor in one interview, and then brings up good acting as one of Joe's best qualities in another.

They're just little offhand remarks, really, and Nick's always supported him, they support each other, the three of them, of course, but it's just... the acting thing is really something Joe's been working on. It matters to him. He wants to be good, and can trust Nick to push him when he needs to be pushed, to make him better, so it means a lot, is all, hearing that.

\---

Joe loves playing _Much Better_ live. It's easily his favorite song to play on stage. Ever. It's a good song, a joyful song. Joe knows from joy. There's something different in a song that takes you up out of yourself, fills you with something bright and shining, and whenever he plays _Much Better_ alongside Nick, their voices weaving in and out, music filling their ears, Joe can't think of anything better in the world.

\---

They're in Canada, in a province that has the initials MB - which means Manitoba, thank you very much, but it's July, so it's still pretty fucking hot. Joe only says the fucking part in his mind, but the rest he's happy to share with the group.

Kevin groans and throws something at him, but like, he's tired, from being hot, and also he's Kevin, so he misses by a lot.

Joe laughs and then complains some more. "I'm sooooo hot. I want to bathe in ice cubes. Someone get me a bath tub full of ice cubes!" What. He's a rockstar. That sort of thing should be available on command. To hell with keeping it real.

Kevin says, "Shut up, Joe," and tries to disappear behind his laptop without actually getting anywhere near it. Those things are like tiny little furnaces. That's why Joe's been making Nick read him his e-mails aloud lately. If he really works for it he can get Nick to do them in his Australian accent.

"But I'm hottttttttt--" he would totally have added more ts, but he shuts up when Nick hands him a smoothie. It's purple, and has a little umbrella on it.

"You're my favorite," Joe says so so sincerely, clutching the beautifully cold glass with both hands and taking a luxurious sip from the twisty straw. Twisty straws are Joe's second favorite. Or maybe his third favorite. It's a really good smoothie.

Nick pats his head and smiles. "I know I am."

\---

Joe gets sick in Boston. He hates Boston.

He can't stop coughing, and his head hurts constantly, and it's supposed to be summer time! World Tour time! Joe has not scheduled Almost Dying time into his already busy schedule. They still have shitloads of promotion to do along the way, never mind the actual shows they have to play pretty much every night. They're supposed to play two shows in two nights in Boston, and all Joe wants to do is crawl into his bunk and wait for the sweet release of death.

What he gets is Nick, picking up the slack in their interviews, putting an arm around him as they walk from car to car, radio station to TV studio. Nick handing him bottles of water at regular intervals, passing him little packets of crackers whenever he feels like he can actually stomach solids, and singing to him as they ride to the venue the first night.  
Nick pushes Joe's sweaty hair off his face and asks softly, "You going to be okay, Joe? Because we can still cancel." 

Nick would never allow them to cancel on his own behalf, not even when they were first dealing with the diabetes. Being professional, being good to the fans, giving them the show they deserve, it's always meant the world to Nick, but Joe knows he means it. Knows he'd talk to their dad and get the show canceled in a heartbeat if Joe said he wasn't up for it. But Joe's not going to let Nick down over a sore throat and a headache. 

He makes himself sit up straight in the van, gives Nick his best tough-it-out smile. "I'm good."

Nick's hand slips down from Joe's hair to his neck, and he squeezes firmly. "Yeah, you are."

\---

The show isn't their best, but Joe makes it through, and Nick's face, proud and glowing with triumph as the crowd fills the stadium with their cheers is more than worth it.

\---

Joe's pretty much forgotten about the weird aberration in Nick's behavior right before they went on tour until he actually turns down a game of pick-up basketball behind the venue with Garbo and a bunch of the techs to sit with Joe while he's still feeling kind of crappy.

He's mostly better, really, at this point he's just been milking the sympathy points from wherever he can get them, which is pretty much only from Nick, but who else would he want them from? But like, really. They've just been sitting. It's still kind of a pain to try and focus too hard on anything unless he absolutely has to, so Joe's storing up his attention span for the next interview. Which is probably sooner than he'd like.

But it's Nick. And basketball. And Garbo saying, "Bet I can get more three-pointers than you," and instead of putting on his bitchiest gameface and showing Garbo exactly how wrong he is, Nick just shrugs, putting an arm around Joe's shoulders and saying, "No thanks, man. Maybe next time," like it's no big deal that his athletic honor has been called into question.

Joe wonders if he's going to have to start poking Nick in the face again. There are clearly lies behind those wholesome freckles.

Nick's side is comfortingly warm, and his arm is a reassuring weight around Joe. He closes his eyes and snuggles closer.

He'll figure out what's up with Nick when he wakes up.

\---

Nick's gone when he wakes up, but Kevin is there, shaking his head at Joe.

"What?" Joe straightened up, rubbing his face. "What?"

"We had an interview at three, or well, you had an interview at three."

That made no sense to Joe. Not even just because he was still half asleep. "Since when do I have to do interviews by myself?" Because that sounds like bullshit.

Kevin waves his hands. He does that a lot. They all do. Joe's fairly certain it's from all the church they'd gone to in their childhood. Sometimes they close their eyes an inappropriate times too. But that's just how they properly savored the moment, why don't other people understand that? Anyway, it doesn't matter. Or it does, but he has to pretend like it doesn't, and pay attention, cause Kevin's still talking. His voice is high like it gets when he's actually worried but trying to sound mad. Poor Kevin. Joe should give him tips on controlling that better.

Joe gives him a sympathetic smile. It's hard work, being Kevin. He has to care about so much stuff that Joe just forgets about. "I'm sure it's not actually that big a deal. I mean, if no one was there to cover for it, why wouldn't someone have just come and woken me up?" Come to think of it, why hadn't Nick done that? There was no way Nick just forgot Joe had a commitment like that.

Kevin's face spazzes through like four different kinds of upset and he flaps some more, "That's the whole point! Someone did cover! Nick. He just went and did the phone interview that was supposed to be about you and how you can't wait for Camp Rock Two without even telling anyone and he did it just so you could nap a little longer on the couch!"

Joe's stomach lurches. Okay. That's actually pretty bad.

"I'm not even that sick anymore," he reassures Kevin, in case that's what he's worried about. Joe really wishes that's what Kevin's worried about.

Kevin just scoffs a little, throwing in a half eye roll. "Yeah. Again, that's the point I am making."

Joe gets up, puts a hand on Kevin's shoulder. "I'll talk to him."

Kevin raises an eye brow, "You'll _talk_ to him? Do you even have an idea what you're supposed to be talking to him about?"

Joe shrugs. "Not covering for me so much. Letting him know I'm feeling better, that I'm up to taking responsibility for my share of the work," it seems pretty straight-forward to Joe.

Kevin looks pained. "Joe..."  
He trails off cause suddenly Nick's back, smiling. "What's up, guys?" He says it to both of them, but he's smiling at Joe.

Joe smiles back helplessly.  
"Not much, Kev here's just giving me the riot act for letting you take the interview for me. Thanks for giving me more time to rest, dude, but he's right. I'm basically fine now. You don't have to pick up my slack so much anymore," Joe is totally proud of himself for handling this so honestly and maturely. He totally doesn't get why Kevin is still wearing his upset face.

Nick nods a little, like he gets it, and Joe tries to put Kevin's continued disapproval out of his mind.

Nick says, "Want to take a ride with me to check out the venue before sound check?" 

Kevin shakes his head, even though he might not technically have been invited, which is actually a bit weird, cause Nick doesn't usually take an active approach to ignoring Kevin, but maybe the closed off tone in Nick's voice was just Joe's imagination. Regardless, he nods, and starts heading out. 

Nick holds the door open for him as they exit the hotel.

\---

In Kansas City, Kevin wants to take them to this restaurant that's some kind of internationally acclaimed House of Ribs or whatever, he's doesn't actually get that far into singing its various praises because Nick shuts Kevin down about two sentences into his pitch with a weirdly tight smile.

"No thanks, Kev." His voice matches his smile.  
Joe's stomach drops a little but he refuses to think about why.

"Not in the mood for ribs? There's this place that supposedly makes the best chicken wings in the--"

"Just feel like staying in, is all. It was a long day." Nick offers Kevin a real smile then, a little apologetic, and Joe feels like he can breathe normally again.

"You should just hang with us," Joe tries, looking carefully at Kevin. "We'll watch a movie, get some room service?"

Nick looks a little disappointed maybe, but that doesn't make sense, and Kevin is nodding, eyes looking less strained, so Joe tells himself to just go with it, just have a good night. The weirdness will be gone in the morning.

\---

Joe tries to keep his head clearer after Missouri, tries to pay closer attention.  
Nick and Kevin aren't hanging out much, and they're talking even less. Whenever they're in the same room, it's always for work. Practicing, rehearsals, interviews or prep for the same. They're not fighting exactly, but there's a distance between them that Kevin doesn't seem to know how to bridge and Nick doesn't seem inclined to.

But it's not just Kevin. Nick's withdrawing from everyone. As the weeks pass he goes out less and less with the rest of the band, declines invitations from the guys in Honor Society to chill after shows, finds excuses to get out of family dinners, and Joe can even see him zoning out, sometimes, when their father is talking to them about keeping this tour about what all the others have been supposed to be about. Family, living responsibly, being rock stars while still setting a positive example. That job's always been one Nick's taken just as seriously as the music, and it sends Joe reeling, seeing the way Nick is shedding that commitment day by day.

It isn't. Joe is good at some things. Just a couple, and some of them aren't very useful in what one might call a normal life, but Joe's life isn't normal, and he does the things he needs to do to keep it that way pretty effing well. So sure, his driving is crap, and his eyebrows are weird, he can't usually remember the difference between the lines most people have for what counts as acceptable behavior and what his own are, but he can hit the notes he needs to, he can lead the crowd so they're living in the moment for no one but him and his brothers, he can makes the stupid jokes to get through the most painful interviews, and most of all he can always figure out how to give Nick what he needs. And even if Joe can't be the one who actually does whatever that may be, he always figures out _who_ Nick needs. When he was sick, when he was miserable with Miley and didn't know how to get out, when he was five years old and needed a way to get the music inside him out and into the world, in all those situations and countless more, Joe was there. Joe knew what to do.  
He's not sure how to deal with the fact that in this situation he couldn't have less of a clue.

\---

Joe hurts his back a little, in during the Tampa show, and Nick gets snappy and protective when people try to come near him. Joe pretty much appreciates it. He's fine, it didn't even stop him, on stage, but he all really wants a hot bath and an actual night's sleep and not to be prodded by the small legion of health care professionals who follow with them on tour. Nick backs off when their mom comes to put her hand on Joe's forehead to wish him a good night and to feel better, but as she's hugging him, Joe see's Nick's face over her shoulder, and he looks oddly indifferent. Or impatient, maybe. Joe eases out of the hug and Nick smiles at him, returning to his side, nodding good night to their mom and guiding Joe out of their dressing room.

The car ride back to the hotel is silent, Joe's half asleep on Nick's shoulder, and Kevin, in the passenger seat beside Big Rob, doesn't try to engage in conversation.

_Fly With Me_ comes on in the radio and Joe hears Nick huff a little laugh, proud and happy, and Joe shuts his eyes tighter and holds onto that sound.

\---  
Nick runs him a bath as soon as they get into their hotel room, and he orders them some pancakes and those little sausage things Joe loves to arrive in an hour.

Joe's whole body aches, by this point, and all he can do is make incoherent grateful noises as he slips into the hot water Nick's prepared for him. He sinks low in the bath, almost up to his chin, his hair clinging wet to his neck. His eyes roll back and he sees Nick leaning in the door frame, arms crossed, a lazy, satisfied half-smile on his face.

Joe is too warm and happy to run full thoughts in his head, but he manages to mumble, "M'supposed to take care of you," and trusts Nick to fill in the thoughts surrounding it. 

Nick's smile broadens and he comes closer, leaning down, close enough to touch, and brushes his lips against Joe's forehead, "Just let me keep taking care of you and you're still doing your job right," he promises, voice warm.

Joe smiles, drugged out from the heat and just the happiness of Nick, having him close, having him at all. "Don't let me fall asleep in here," he murmurs, eyes slipping shut.

Nick's hand comes and grips Joe's shoulder, securing him just above the water's edge. "I've got you."

\---  
In Nashville, Kevin offers to share a hotel room with Nick so Joe can have his own. 

Nick makes a face Joe doesn't understand and actually gets up and leaves the lounge, and Joe stares after him for a long time before turning back to Kevin and saying, "Dude, I don't even want my own room."

Kevin draws in a tight sigh. "I just thought you might appreciate the privacy."

Joe realizes that maybe it's weird, how he's never even thought about it like that. Like privacy's something something he'd ever need from Nick.

"Well, thanks, but, I'll pass, okay? You keep your oldest brother privileges and I'll keep rooming with Nick."

"Maybe I miss Nick, how about that?" Kevin's tone's gone odd, suddenly. Challenging.

Joe takes a little step back, just to look at him better. He didn't think this was coming, yet. He'd hope it wouldn't happen at all.

"But you don't miss me? How does that work?" He's stalling a bit, but he's scrambling. He's not ready for this conversation. Not ready to go the places it will make him, not even in his head. He keeps going, "besides, we see each other pretty much all day everyday."

Kevin's expression turns soft, a little sad, even. Joe's liking the direction of this conversation less and less. Angry Kevin he can deal with, maybe. Sad Kevin... that's not part of the deal. This is just... it's not about that. What ever this is. Which Joe isn't thinking about. Not yet.

" _You_ see each other everyday." Kevin corrects, totally not getting with the program.

Joe shakes his head, maybe a little too vigorously, but what are you going to do. "No, no, we all see each other. See, we're in this band - called Jonas Brothers, maybe you've heard of us - and we're a three part band. Of brothers. From the Jonas family. Of which you are a part."

The sad look isn't going away though, despite Joe's brilliant logic. Kevin is always stubborn at the most inconvenient of times. "I see you and Nick. Together," he smiles a little, not a good smile, no, that's a really bad smile, "or occasionally one of you is looking for the other one. We practice. We rehearse. We play shows, do interviews. Sometimes we eat, but you and Nick do that a lot by yourselves in your hotel rooms." 

Joe doesn't understand why Kevin is explaining his own life to him, and he doesn't like the way his life sounds, coming out of Kevin's mouth. It doesn't sound at all like the one he knows. The words are right but the way Kevin is saying them... Joe realizes he's squeezing his fists really tight, and he makes himself stop.

"You think we don't like you?" It's close, so close to the thing Joe is trying so hard not to have them be talking about, but just saying it like that, an inch away and a world apart, he has to believe that whatever else he thinks he knows, Kevin doesn't actually think that. He's their brother.

"No, you love me, you both do. I'm not saying that."

Joe breathes a sigh of relief for a second, because at least that's something, a tiny bit of solid ground to hold onto, but then Kevin is looking at the doorway Nick just stalked out of, and says, making Joe's heart slam painfully in his chest, "I was wrong before. When I told you I thought maybe Nick had a crush. It's not a crush," he turns back to Joe and looks at him like he's never seen him before, and that scares Joe most of all, "he's in love."

 

Nick's not easy to find, after that. Joe spends a few hours not looking for him, first, but even when he starts, it takes him awhile. He's not in their room, and security and their parents aren't freaking out, so Joe assumes that's where they all _think_ Nick is, but he doesn't actually find him until his third loop of the hotel.

He's sitting at one of the tables in the lounge bar thing on the first floor, not drinking anything, thank Christ, just staring at the flickering light of the candle at the center of the table.

Joe walks over and silently sits down beside him. Nick looks up at him and actually smiles. It's got a hard edge, but it's still Joe's smile. The one Nick saves only for him. Maybe that's not the sort of thing brothers are supposed to have for each other. Joe doesn't care. He's glad it's his.

Joe clears his throat and says, "Hey, Nick."

Nick grabs one of Joe's hands and squeezes hard, like he's reminding himself Joe's really there. "Hey, Joe."

Things unsaid are filling up the space between them, clogging Joe's throat.

Joe looks down at their hands. "Do you actually think I'm a good actor?"

Nick laughs and dips his head, hiding it from anyone else who might be looking, but sharing the lingering smile with Joe. "Yeah, Joe. I do."

Joe nods and squeezes two of Nick's fingers gratefully, as close as he's going to come to explaining why he needed to hear it. He knows he should say something else, but he can't figure out what comes next. Can't find an acceptable order to all the sentences jumbled in his head.

Nick holds on tighter to his hand and says, "I love you, Joe," and his voice is different than Joe's ever heard. He looks Nick in the eyes and his pulse quickens.

"Because I'm your brother."   
Nick taps Joe's index finger with his own, face serious. "No." He looks calm, somehow outside himself and yet steady. Joe tries to match Nick's even breathing. "Other reasons, now."

Joe needs the answer so he looks harder, trying to find it in Nick's face. But he doesn't recognize the things that face is asking for. Doesn't know how to process that Nick wants them from _him_.

"Tell me what you want me to do," he eventually settles for. He can't get there on his own.

Nick draws up Joe's hand to his mouth and kisses his knuckles. "Just let me do what I've been doing, okay? Just let me treat you how I think you deserve to be treated." 

Joe's head is spinning, thoughts running in a million directions, but ultimately, inevitably, they all end up at Nick. He closes his eyes and says, "Okay." 

\---

Nick holds his hand in the elevator, and they brush their teeth side by side over the sink. It could be any other night, except Joe feels like his feet are barely clinging to the ground, his skin is buzzing and he can't think. They spit in unison and Joe wants to laugh, and he does a little, Nick knocking their hips together, smiling at their reflections in the mirror.

They look the same. Joe won't admit it, but that's why he stopped straightening his hair. He hadn't liked it, after awhile, the way the straight hair had seemed to set him apart. That had been the point, once upon a time, but it had chafed, after the initial thrill wore off. The constant reminder that they were separate, the little ways it had made him look less like a Jonas, less like Nick. It's a strange thought to have, maybe, but he likes how he looks the more he looks like Nick. He likes to see pictures of them together and know they match, know other people will see it too.

They watch some TV, still not talking, but Nick holds Joe's hand on the bed, and Joe can't focus on anything else.  
The Tonight Show ends and Joe gets up to walk over to his own bed, but Nick catches his wrist, pulling him close and kissing Joe on the cheek before letting him go. Instead of the familiar, comforting warmth it usually gives Joe, Nick's subsequent, "Love you, Joe," sends hot shivers up Joe's spine.

Joe says, "Love you back," and knows he'll mean it whichever way Nick wants.

\---

Breakfast the next morning is kind of awkward, but Joe supposes that's to be expected. Kevin just keeps looking at them, at Joe, not saying anything because their parents are there, because Frankie is there.

All day, everyday, there are a million people around and Joe ducks out of any opportunity he might be alone with Kevin almost without having to try. Nick keeps hold of him, whenever they're together, but it's no more than normal, no more than the status-quo for their wholes lives for Joe to have his arm around Nick's waist, for Nick to find small, near constant ways to reach back, little touches to his knee, fist bumps, and toes pressed together as they sit through yet another interview or promotion spot.

In the moments when they're actually alone, it's a little different.

There's a change in the air, even though there are barely any noticeable changes in their movements. Nick isn't pushing for anything, isn't taking steps Joe doesn't know how to follow. He's just being Nick. Brilliant, serious, dedicated Nick, and he's focusing all that on Joe. It should probably feel a lot more different than it does. Joe should probably stop to think, but he finds himself not wanting to.

Nick's attention was always what he wanted most, and Joe never had to work especially hard to get it, not even on Nick's worst days, but now he doesn't have to try at _all_. He just has to exist, just walk into a room or Nick's line of sight and Joe has him.

It makes Joe feel powerful, he knows that's probably fucked up, but he's a performer, he always has been. Even before the Jonas Brothers explosion, even before there were thousands of girls screaming his name, Joe understood that every moment was a performance, every interaction, every movement. There are different performances for different people, different places, but Joe is always on.

Nick's the only one who he never felt he had to work to make the performance good, make it real. Nick just always drew that out of Joe, like there was a secret harmony between them, a push and pull that always balanced in the end, always brought them what the other needed. 

So maybe the performance is a little different now. Maybe Joe is expected to smile a little differently when Nick looks at him across the room, maybe his skin is supposed to feel differently when Nick touches him, fingers just a ghosted whisper up Joe's arm. As long as he doesn't think about anything too hard or too long, Joe can just let his mind go, let it drift and his body will take over, will do whatever Nick tells it too, soft promises made as their foreheads touch.

\---

When they kiss for the first time, they're in Paris, looking out their hotel window at the most romantic city in the world, and right before it happens, Nick smiles at Joe like he planned it, like he's proud of a job well done, proud of the light he imagines in his own eyes, the brightness in his cheeks.

He's happy, so happy he feels like he needs more room inside himself to hold it all, and when Nick puts his hand on the back of Joe's neck and guides their mouths together, all Joe can think is that he's the luckiest guy in the world.

\---

Nick gets him roses after the show in Stockholm, all because Joe hit the notes perfectly for  _Turn Right_ and felt like a god damn rock genius for managing to play the guitar successfully during  _Hey Baby_ . They were all on that night, but the show was Joe's. Nick beams at him the whole ride back to the hotel like he's the best thing Nick's ever clamped his eyes on. The best in the world.

They're waiting for him in their hotel room, two dozen white roses, and Joe doesn't even know how Nick knows they're his favorite when he's barely given thought to that sort of thing himself.

"I'm not actually a girl, you realize," he says to Nick, not trusting his voice on anything else.

Nick shrugs a little, like that's not the point and they both know it, but he'll let Joe get away with the comment all because he did good tonight. "You like them?"

He can't explain them to anyone, ever, and no one will probably even see them but him, but Joe pushes his face into them and breathes deep, smiling despite himself.

"I like them."

\---

Kevin finally catches Joe alone in Barcelona. Nick's off having some kind of a strategy meeting with their dad and manager and a bunch of people Joe really should be able to tell apart at this point but whatever, he's never claimed to be the brains of this operation, and Kevin has somehow managed to get out of it so he's just sitting there in Joe's room when he comes back from his supervised run on the treadmill in the hotel gym. Joe misses running outside without anyone watching him to make sure he doesn't get tackled by 14-year-olds. Mostly.

Kevin's on Joe's bed, and he's holding the bracelet Nick bought him in the market they went to earlier that day. Joe fell in love with it, and it's not like he couldn't have bought it for himself, but it had still made him feel warm in weird places, seeing Nick grab it and bargain for a good price.

Joe just stands there, watching Kevin until he looks up and says, "There's nothing I can say, is there?" He sounds defeated, far away.

Joe swallows painfully. This is the moment, and he wishes he had better words, but in the end all he can say is, "No."

Kevin closes his eyes and bows his head, just for a second, and then he gets up, face suddenly full of resolve. He walks over and puts a hand on Joe's shoulder, handing him the bracelet with the other. Joe takes it and twists it around his fingers, tight enough to stop the blood from flowing.

"Be safe, Joe," he says, but Joe knows what he means. Be careful. Be quiet. Don't ever get caught.

He wants to hug Kevin so badly, but he can't deal with the thought that maybe Kevin wouldn't hug him back.

"Thanks, Kev," he says instead, wishing the words meant more.

Kevin smiles a little, like maybe he hears the effort in them. "Anything for my brothers." 

\---

Nick comes back from the meeting looking that particular kind of happy that means he got his way, and he muscles into Joe's space, grinning. 

Joe laughs and lets Nick manhandle him onto the nearest bed and loses the next 20 minutes in a blissed out haze. Joe never thought he'd be grateful to the crazy girls Nick's dated, but he owes something to whoever helped make Nick such an awesome kisser.

He loves how he doesn't have to think when Nick's hands are on him, when they're kissing, but he loves it even more when he can open his eyes and see that Nick isn't thinking either - that he's just blindly, helplessly _doing_. Joe always thought nothing could beat making Nick laugh, but making him lose control like that, giving him a space to give in completely and just do and be - that's the best feeling in the world.

They slow down eventually, bit by bit as Nick manages to pull some control back from the situation until he's not even on top of Joe anymore, which really kind of sucks for Joe, he misses Nick's weight, but Nick's being some kind of a gentlemen or whatever, always wrenching his hands way when they start trailing below Joe's waist. That also kind of sucks for Joe, but in all honestly, a part of him appreciates being occasionally given the chance to catch his breath. His life is changing faster than he can hope to absorb, and he's having a hard time remembering who he was before this, like he came into being the first time Nick touched him, really touched him, and he needs the moments in between to remind himself there's more to be.

Besides, Nick's smile, slightly puffy and shyly proud whenever they finally come up for air is just about Joe's favorite face in the world, so he can usually console himself just by looking at it.

Today Joe has to focus though, not just return his dopey smile for the next hour, and he struggles to pull himself together enough to be able to have the conversation that begins with, "You need to ease up on Kevin, dude. He's on our side."

The responding look Nick gives him is so blank and empty Joe knows there has to be a bottomless pit of shock underneath it. They don't talk about this. Not like that. Not like they have something they actually need to be worried about, not like they're hiding. Joe gets it. Gets that behind closed doors, in quiet, private moments, Nick needs to pretend that this is just something they can have. That he can do these things for Joe, to _court_ him, buy him gifts and take him places, just like any couple, because Nick believes in doing things right, not doing things by half. It's sweet, but more than that it's necessary, it's the only thing that's keeping Nick from going insane, from packing two bags and getting on a plane Joe knows he'd follow Nick onto, but it can't be all the time. If being responsible for that part of things can't be what Nick thinks about then it falls to Joe, and he's doing his best to manage it, to act normal around their parents and their friends, to show enough interest in the girls who flow in and out of their lives to seem like his old self, but not enough to make Nick go brittle and possessive despite his best judgment, jaw and hands flexing unhappily.

But Kevin's been helping, this whole time Joe was too busy just looking at his and Nick's actions towards each other and he'd completely missed the way Kevin was subtly and steadily running interference for them, saving their asses countless times.

So Joe tries again, coming closer and putting his thumb at the base of Nick's neck, pressing in to where he'd been kissing him minutes before, not hard enough either time to leave a mark, but enough to feel it, to know it happened. Nick's eyes go dark, and he's actually paying attention to Joe again, he'll listen to whatever Joe says. Joe swears to himself that he'll never abuse the absolute power Nick gives him in these moments, prays he can keep that promise.

"He's helping us, Nick. All because he loves us and he knows there's nothing else he can do. The least we can do is stop punishing him for noticing something we should have been more careful to hide in the first place."

Nick looks wounded, cut open, and Joe wants to do nothing more than kiss the look away, but he waits, trusting Nick to go over Joe's words until he realizes they're true.

Nick opens his mouth but then shakes his head, closing it back up again. Joe touches his chin, tilting up his face, and he realizes it was never anger that's been making Nick act the way he has been the past weeks, months. He doesn't know how he missed it, as clear as it is now, but no, it wasn't anger, it's always been fear. Fear that Kevin would make them stop, that he'd take Joe away. Fear that Kevin would hate them.

"He loves us, Nick," Joe promises, glad he believes it enough to make it sound true.

"Still?" Nick asks, sounding suddenly and hopelessly young.

Joe nods and leans close, kissing him quick and soft. "Always, I think."

Nick smiles a little, and makes no effort to move away from Joe. "Always."

\---

Things are better after that. They include Kevin more, and slowly Kevin stops looking a mix of suspicious and grateful when they do. Slowly, it starts to feel like the three of them again, at least in some of the time. Joe feels like he can really hear Kevin again, when they're on stage, and he feels lighter, but stronger too, whenever he hears Nick laughing over something Kevin said, whenever he sees them bent over sheet music, bickering about chord progressions and whether or not the mandolin is cool. By the time they're back in the states, having successfully completed their first world tour, Joe actually feels like he can make sense of his life. He's happier than he's ever been, and maybe he doesn't have a right to all the happiness he's been given, but he's taking it anyway, hoping to God he won't be forced to give any of it back.

\---

They take time off after the tour. Real time off, not their usual kind of time off. They have to shoot the second season of JONAS in a month, and after that, they'll be filming Camp Rock Two, and after that there's a list a mile long of commitments and meetings and promotion so long that Joe can't even think about it, let alone keep track of it all, but for a month it's just them in their house in Texas. Just the six of them trying to remember how to be a family by themselves, having meals together, going shopping, playing wiffle ball in the park at the end of the block, tanning in the backyard and watching movies or playing video games together most evenings.

Joe gets into the habit of being in bed before eleven and going for a run every morning with Nick by nine, and their house is secluded enough that sometimes they can even go by themselves and not even see anyone, let alone anyone who cares that they're two thirds of Jonas Brothers.

Some days, they don't so much as leave the backyard, spending the morning getting warm by the side of the pool and the whole afternoon floating together in the water, interrupted occasionally by Frankie's cannon balls or Kevin's sporadic desire to do laps. 

It's an easy time, lazy and hot, and for awhile Joe just feels like a normal guy, just a brother and a son, and he smiles with his eyes closed as the sun warms his face.

\---

The only problem with being at home is that Joe is kind of losing his mind to be alone with Nick. Actually alone. Not alone in Nick's bedroom with their parents and brothers just down the hall.

He'd gotten so used to living in hotels and buses on tour that, three weeks in, Joe is still having trouble adjusting to going to sleep in the same bed every night. Nick never actually stayed in bed with him, all those countless nights they spent moving through new places, new countries, but he usually coaxed Joe into sleep with slow lazy kisses, murmured teasing and stubborn and increasingly infuriating refusal to let Joe anywhere near third base. 

Nick's kind of a cocktease, actually, as boyfriends go. Not that Joe's had any before him, but really.

He was already basically over appreciating the gesture by the time tour ended, and three weeks of barely getting to so much as kiss Nick when they pass each other in the bathroom between showers has pretty much turned Joe into a complete crazy person.

More so than before, even.

He's dangerously close to like, kidnapping Nick and driving them to Mexico or something equally dramatic and ill-advised when Kevin announces he's going to go away with Danielle for the last week of their vacation. It makes sense, they've been hanging out a lot since Kevin's been back, but like, Joe understands now about the difference between family time and alone time. He finally gets the attraction after years of wondering why his girlfriends were always so annoyed when he just invited them over to his house to hang out with Kevin and Nick on their dates.

So Joe's all for Kevin's little vacation within a vacation, and he's happy for him when their parents approve the trip. Not that a 22 year old should necessarily have to get permission from his parents to go on a vacation with his long-time and totally awesome girlfriend, but Kevin is just easy-going like that. He'll do the things people ask of him if he can. Joe hopes he's doing better, lately, at showing Kevin he notices that. That he's grateful.

He doesn't actually realize how fucking grateful to Kevin he should be until his parents remind them at the breakfast table that Kevin's vacation coincides with their parents retreat at the bible camp their father used to help run. That it's the same week Frankie is going to stay with their grandparents and get spoiled rotten.

Joe just sits there, trying not to look stunned and ecstatic, trying not to leap up on the table and dance. 

A week. Alone. With Nick. Just the two of them.

Joe's got the best older brother in the world.

\--- 

Before Kevin leaves, he comes into Joe's room and looks at him seriously, lips pursed in an almost frown, "I'm guessing it would too much to hope for that you'll take this week to get this thing out of your systems?" He doesn't sound like he expects to like the answer, more like he's asking because he feels like he has to.

Joe wishes he wasn't forcing Kevin to be that guy, wishes this could be the last instead of just one in a string of many of these conversations, but he's never been as good a person as all that, never been strong or selfless enough to say when, always pushing, demanding more. 

Kevin's giving Joe a week and he's busy planning a lifetime.

"Sorry, Kev," he says, biting his lip so he doesn't say more. Leaving it at what he can almost mean.

Kevin nods and exits the room.

\---

Kevin leaves that night, and Joe gets up at six with Nick to send off their parents, a trip to the airport and a long drive ahead of them.  
As soon as their car disappears in the distance, Joe basically expects to be pressed against a wall and have their solitude properly celebrated, but all Nick does is press a sleepy kiss against Joe's lips and tell him to go back to bed.

Joe's nineteen years old and he wants everything right now, but he was also up more of the night than not, lying in bed waiting for their time to begin. He wouldn't be much good to Nick right now anyways, so he lets himself get shoved gently back into bed. He's a little bereft when Nick doesn't join him, but he slips into sleep despite himself, lost to it before he can even speak his protests aloud.

When he wakes up, it's to smells of banana pancakes and sounds of bacon sizzling. That really is one of Joe's favorite sounds.

He jumps out of bed with more energy than he remembers having in ages, and practically bounds down the stairs to the kitchen, stopping short when he sees Nick standing in the kitchen with an apron on, humming to himself and flipping pancakes.

Joe's torn between a laugh and something deeper, feels his heart leap up in his throat, and he's suddenly hit with two realizations at once, two thoughts colliding after months of dancing in and out of each other's path: this is his little brother, Nick, and he's totally and inescapably in love with him.

He's never forgotten the first, of course, and he's been working up to accepting the second for months, but until now Joe's managed to keep the two separate. He's been able to compartmentalize the serious and assured young man who bought him flowers and took him on dates inside their hotel rooms from the younger brother who always caught his cold because he wouldn't listen to their mother and stay away from Joe when he was sick, the one who drew pictures of the two of them in front of the White House together when he was asked to show what he wanted to be when he grew up. The one who snorted chocolate milk out of his nose on his 8th birthday when Joe sang happy birthday to him in a British accent, he one who used to fall asleep on the floor beside his bed on the nights he crept in after a nightmare and Joe was sprawled out too much on the bed for there to be room. 

But in this moment watching Nick in his Mr. President apron, humming _Much Better_ , the two halves Joe loves come crashing back together and he can't run from it anymore, can't deny that each side makes Joe love Nick all the more. 

Nick notices him there, smiles at him, relaxed and happy, and Joe crosses the kitchen to put his hands in Nick's hair, to kiss him. Nick kisses back, hard and hungry, and Joe realizes this is the first kiss he's started. He twists Nick's curls in his fingers and kisses him harder. After a minute Nick bites Joe's lip, hard enough to be making a point, and Joe makes himself withdraw, holding up his hands in surrender.

Nick grins ruefully and gestures at the pancakes, still cooking on the pan. "You don't want to ruin your breakfast, do you?"

Joe smiles slyly and leans in for another quick kiss, but relents, knowing this is part of how Nick needs things to be. Homemade breakfast and sitting together at the table. Hell, Nick will probably even want to read the paper.

Joe calls dibs on the comics.

\---

They play house most of the day. They jam in the basement all morning, singing songs with swears and the kind of content their parents frown on at the top of their lungs, smiling sheepishly at each other about what a ridiculous thing it is to get such a thrill out of. They use the left over bacon from breakfast and have BLTs for lunch, sitting out on the back deck, eating and drinking the lemonade their mom made for them before she left.

When Nick finishes his third sandwich, he squints at the sky and then down at the lawn and says, "That lawn looks like it could stand to be mowed,"

Joe laughs, because Nick is actually serious. He nudges Nick's arm with his elbow and waves encouragingly, "You get right on that. I'll supervise."

Nick's eyes flick quickly in all directions, so practiced Joe barely notices it, before he ducks in and kisses Joe quick on the mouth.

Joe figures one of these days that's going to happen without making his lips tingle, but it hasn't yet.

"Knock em dead, tiger," he salutes Nick and leans back comfortably in his chair, watching his brother in action.

They have a riding mower, which even Joe has to admit is kind of awesome, and Nick takes to the task with all the rampant perfectionism he applies to anything else. He mows in straight, methodical lines, up and down for almost an hour. They have a big freaking yard.

He's sweating by the time he's done, and Joe would make fun of him for that, but he's kind of sweating himself just from watching Nick. He offers Nick his glass and Nick downs the rest of the lemonade in one long gulp. Joe doesn't even try to hide the way he watches Nick's neck as he swallows. Nick wipes his forehead with the back of his hand, sets the glass down and pins Joe with a look. 

Joe leans forward a little in his chair, waiting.

"Inside," Nick growls out, clearly frustrated by the concession, the waste in time, and Joe leaps out of his chair to obey.

They make it as far as the living room floor before their legs get tangled and they crash to the floor, Joe landing with an undignified "oomph" on Nick's chest. Nick laughs and holds him there, just watching Joe above him as they both try and catch their breath. Joe's breath isn't coming any slower, no matter how deeply he inhales, heart racing, and Nick's eyes are wide and wanting beneath him.

Joe slides down slow, pinning Nick's right arm to the floor, folding their fingers together and kissing him. Nick allows this for awhile, making low noises at the back on his throat that send shivers from Joe's toes to his neck and back again until Nick flips them, straddling Joe, splaying his hand over Joe's chest.

Joe keeps breathing and lets their eyes lock, and when Nick says, "I want this with you, always," it doesn't come as a surprise. He nods and spreads his fingers wide, making room for Nick to slip off Joe's ring and place it on the coffee table beside them. Joe keeps his eyes on Nick's as he returns the favor.

They stay like that for another moment, just looking at each other, and then they move at once, mouths crashing back together, hands frantically tearing at clothing.

Joe loses his virginity like that, spread out on his living room floor, and with every moment he promises to be Nick's one and only.

\---

The days pass in a blur of sex and domesticity. They cook meals together, sometimes with disastrous results, but usually only if Joe can manage to get Nick to stop paying attention. They don't burn the house down, which Joe considers a personal win. They fall asleep on the couch most nights, crawling up to bed at 4 am and fucking slow and sleepy when they get there.

Joe wakes up with Nick every morning and he wants a whole life of this, wants breakfast together and going for run every morning, just the two of them. Wants showers Nick invites him to like he's asking him to prom, wants keys that they share between them, tossing them back and forth as they drive to and from the grocery store on the outskirts of their development, wants one bed to come home to. He wants take-out menus they write in, ranking their favorite dishes out of ten. He even wants the dishes they fight over washing, wants Nick's lectures about separating the colors when doing laundry and his long-suffering sighs when Joe forgets to turn on the dryer after throwing the clothes in. 

He wants a life, a real life, and he wants it with Nick.

\---

They keep their rings on the bedside table in Joe's room, sitting side by side. They don't talk about them, don't talk about anything. They just let the time pass in a series of moments, quiet mornings smiling at each other from the same pillow, afternoon basketball games that lead to pinned wrists and frantic kissing.

They only time they come close is their second to last afternoon, out on the pool deck, feet kicking lazily, ankle deep in blue water. Joe wants to hold Nick's hand so he asks for it, and Nick hooks their pinkies, almost enough pretense that from afar they could just be normal brothers, sitting side by side in the sunshine.

It's late in coming, too late to matter, but Joe finds himself asking anyway. He looks sideways at Nick and says, "Why doesn't it bother you?" Knowing Nick won't have any difficult guessing what he means.

Nick shrugs seriously, a skill Joe contends only Nick is special enough to master, and says, "Because you're mine."

It's not much of an answer really, but Joe supposes he doesn't need a better one. No matter what else they can call each other, brother, band-mate, best friend, that always comes first.

\---

On the last night Nick marinates chicken and grills it along with corn on the cob. Joe makes a potato salad.

They eat at the dinning room table, looking across the table at each other, and Joe feels like he should make a joke about needing candles and Barry White, but he just too fucking happy. He loves Nick too fucking much.

It's their last night, and it's perfect, and they stay up all night memorizing each other's skin, because the next morning it's all coming to an end.

\---

They eat cereal in the morning, and Joe can't bring himself to suggest a run. Nick keeps looking at him like he's going to disappear and Joe can't even hold onto him until that look goes away, can't take Nick by the hand and lead him to the bed he's already come to think about in his head as theirs. He can't press Nick against the door frame of the kitchen and kiss him until neither of them can breathe.

He can only watch him from across the room and wish for things it's no longer safe for them to do.

\---

They hear their parents car coming up the long driveway and take the stairs two and a time to Joe's room. Nick picks up Joe's ring and Joe takes Nick's and they try to smile as they slip them back on each other's fingers.

Joe swallows down his sadness and his promises, and trusts Nick to hear them both.

They walk down the stairs together to greet their family, and they're careful not let their fingers brush as they walk side by side.


End file.
